she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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