i think my mom watched the whole time
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
