Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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