And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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