I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
