Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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