we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
