I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
