I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
