I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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