I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
