Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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