I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
