Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
