in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
