At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
