You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
