Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
