he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
