she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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