Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
