If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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