There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
