one might say we're banned from that church
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
