what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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