do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
