obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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