I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Even the bartender felt bad for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
