I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
