I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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