yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
