Quick, to the slutcave!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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