What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
