I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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