How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
