Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
