If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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