oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize