He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
