I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
