I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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