all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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