Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
