This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
