I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
