'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
