she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
