well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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