after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i think im in europe. pls send help
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