What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
