I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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