rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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