they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
