I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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