I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
