That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
