Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize