yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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