just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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