I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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