Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
