Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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