Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
