I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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