I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
