I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
