I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
