no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
