I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did I show you my penis last night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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