I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
