Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
