meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
