I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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