i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
