we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
